How to Talk to Your Children About Becoming a Surrogate

You know that becoming a surrogate is complex and can be difficult to explain to others. So how do you tell your children you will be a surrogate?

Our surrogates have been successful in explaining surrogacy to kids by bring upfront and open. As the process unfolds, they continue to answer their questions. Here are additional tips for sharing your surrogacy journey with your children.

Talk About Surrogacy Early and Often

Explain surrogacy to your children in age-appropriate terms early on in the process – before you’re visibly pregnant. For younger children, you might tell them that you will be taking care of a baby for another family until it is ready to be born. Then it will go live with that family. There are several children’s books that can help introduce the topic. Some of our favorites include And Tango Makes Three, which is a beautiful story of a non-traditional family, and Sophia’s Broken Crayon’s, which explains the surrogacy process from a young child’s perspective.

We discussed how some people couldn’t have babies on their own and mommy was helping by carrying the baby in her belly so that another family could have a baby of their own. 

-Surrogate C

For older children, start by explaining the basics of the process. They might be ready to learn more details or ask more questions. To foster communication, create an environment where your child feels comfortable asking any question they want without feeling ashamed or embarrassed. Be honest with them about what it means to be a gestational carrier and answer all of their questions as best you can.

Get to Know the Family You Are Helping

We recommend having your children meet or learn about the family you’re helping. Doing so can reinforce that the baby is going to its own family after it’s born. The level of interaction between your family and the intended parents will vary based on the situation. Your children may or may not be able to meet them in person. However, there are still ways that you can help them connect with the family. Video chats are a wonderful option. You can also share information about the family and show your children pictures of them.

We always made both kids a part of the process when we could with video chatting with my IPs so they understood the baby in mommy’s belly was not ours.

-Surrogate A

Involve Them in the Process

All of the surrogate’s family will be affected by the surrogacy process, so it can be helpful to embrace the idea of this journey as a family affair. If your kids are around when you’re giving yourself a shot, they can hand you an alcohol wipe. If the IPs have asked you to tell them the results of a pregnancy test or be a part of the gender reveal, get your children involved in making the big announcement!

Before the baby is born, have your kids help you pick out a present for them. If everyone agrees, letting the children meet the baby and its parents after the birth or seeing pictures of them all together can be a great way to share in the joy of the process.

Some kids will have a bundle of questions, and others will take it in stride and hardly notice anything is going on. Whatever your situation, our best advice is to be honest. If your kids have questions you don’t know how to answer – that’s what we’re here for. Our team at Heartland Surrogacy has professional and personal experience with surrogacy and can help you navigate the process with your own families. Reach out with your questions today!