Top 5 Things Surrogates Get Asked
Friends and strangers alike ask pregnant people questions about their pregnancy. When acting as a surrogate, the questions and comments seem to multiply. The conversation often starts with the phrase, “Wow! I’ve never met a surrogate in real life before!” Below are some of the most common questions people ask surrogates, as well some suggestions for how to answer them.
1. How much did you get paid?
It’s natural for people to be curious about surrogate compensation, especially when they’re unfamiliar with surrogacy. However, the compensation received for surrogacy does not need to be public knowledge any more than your salary at work might be.
If you are not comfortable sharing the answer, there are kind ways to redirect the conversation. Examples include, “The compensation varies, but here are some resources where you can get more information.” Or, “That’s a personal matter, but it’s an amount agreed upon by everyone in the contract in advance.”
2. Did you know the parents before you started?
The way that surrogacy is portrayed in movies and TV often misleads people. On the screen, most surrogates are carrying for family members or are in an anonymous arrangement where they never meet the family they’re carrying for. In reality, the majority of surrogates are not carrying for family. However, they do still meet their intended parents (IPs), virtually or in-person, using an agency or matching independently.
You can provide a brief summary of the matching process and your relationship with your IPs to help to dispel some of these misconceptions!
3. How do your kids feel about you being a surrogate?
Surrogacy involves the whole family, so women are frequently asked how their kids are handling the situation. There is an underlying assumption that children won’t understand what’s happening, but the good news is that there are many resources available to explain the process to children of any age!
When answering this question, it can be helpful to explain how the process was described to your kids. You can share how they are involved in the process and how they feel about it.
4. Will you do it again?
Many surrogates are asked this question before they even given birth! At that time, it’s not possible to know if you would be medically cleared for another journey. You also might want to complete your journey and see how you feel before deciding.
Some surrogates decide before beginning their journey that it will be a one-time experience. Regardless, this is a personal decision and can be awkward to discuss with others you don’t know well. Thinking about how you might answer this question in advance can be helpful in case well-meaning acquaintances ask!
Here are some suggestions on how to answer this common question:
- “I’m enjoying this journey but probably won’t know if I’ll want to do it again until it’s all said and done.”
- “I feel so lucky to be able to do this and would be ok if I did it once.”
5. How can you give the baby away?!
This is probably the most common question surrogates are asked. It is also usually the easiest one to answer!
As a surrogate, you’ve already had children of your own and go into the surrogacy process knowing you are carrying a baby for another family. Before being approved by the fertility clinic, you will also undergo a psychological evaluation with a trained professional to ensure you understand the process and that you are not the parent.
An easy answer to this question is, “The baby was never mine, so I don’t have anything to give away!”
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If you are looking for more information about getting started on your surrogacy journey, reach out today to set up a consultation or begin your application.