Surrogacy Stories is a blog series compiled by Heartland Surrogacy. In this series we will bring you personal perspectives on surrogacy from a variety of people: surrogates, intended parents, and the professionals who have been lucky enough to work with them.
Today we bring you a surrogacy story from Bob and Isabelle, two intended parents. We first interviewed Isabelle in November of 2016, at which time she and Bob had decided to pursue surrogacy and had recently matched with a surrogate. Read that interview here.
Bob, thanks for taking the time for us! Let’s start where we left off: when we last spoke to Isabelle, you were working on a legal contract with your surrogate. How did that process go?
The process was smooth and it took us about a week to finalize the language in our contract. It probably took longer to get all signatures in place but we were done with our review in a week or so. I think all things were in place for a possible transfer in November 2016.
How did you feel waiting for the embryo transfer?
For the first one, we were excited and looking forward to our transfer. But that didn’t work out unfortunately and ended in a miscarriage.
We were devastated initially but then picked ourselves up with prayers and also getting good advice from our RE. We decided to do an additional test, Episona, that turned out to provide valuable information that likely helped us get and stay pregnant.
For the second transfer, we were cautious and I went in not knowing what to expect but also knowing that we had high quality embryos and a modified protocol.
On January 9th, 2017, you and Isabelle had your sixth embyo transfer. How did you find out that your surrogate was pregnant? When did you learn you were expecting twins? How did you feel?
I believe we waited for the blood test results to confirm pregnancy. My wife learned about the positive beta from our RE. The high score indicated twins but we got a confirmation at our heartbeat appointment in February 2017. I was elated, overjoyed, and in shock that we were finally expecting!
What were the most exciting milestones during the pregnancy?
You and Isabelle live in one state, and your surrogate lives in another. How did you and Isabelle work with A to allow you two to experience some aspects of the pregnancy with her?
Being at as many appointments as we could was one way we remained involved. A and my wife exchanged texts which was helpful as well. We received belly bump photos which made this whole process real as we tracked progress.
Also, we had a maternity photoshoot with A. We really enjoyed taking maternity photos with our surrogate and her family. We found this to be a special experience since it confirmed that the babies were almost here and that there were two families that were looking forward to their arrival!
On Friday, September 15th, you and Isabelle finally became parents to two precious babies! How was the birth experience? How involved were you and Isabelle able to be?
We were fortunate that our babies were born in a hospital that understood our situation with surrogacy. My wife and I, A’s husband, and our photographer were allowed in the delivery room. We had the privilege of seeing our babies enter this world on 09/15. Our baby boy did have some issues with low oxygen but the staff took care of him immediately. We got to hold our baby girl a few minutes after her birth and that’s an experience that I’ll never forget. The hospital gave us a separate room to stay with the babies and we were down the hall from A’s recovery room. We got to visit with her as well during our stay which was awesome.
Was there one moment where you really felt like a dad for the first time?
When I first got to hold my baby girl! That was the moment when I felt like my life had changed forever. I also loved feeding the babies and having “skin to skin” time (kangaroo care).
What do you plan to tell your kids about surrogacy?
Do you plan to stay in touch with your carrier and her family over the years?
We hope to remain in touch with our carrier, A, for the rest of our lives. I understand relationships can change over time but I hope that she and her family get to see the babies that she brought into this world.
Now, after a four-year-long battle with infertility, you finally have your two babies! What would you tell yourself, if you could go back to those agonizing failed IVF cycles?
This is a very good question. I wish I could confidently state that things would work out the way it did for us but then I would be lying. I would tell myself that having doubts and fear is a normal and expected part of this journey. What really made a difference was having faith in God. That helped us through this situation. This reminds me of a sermon titled “Walk by faith and not by sight” I once heard many years ago. This seems an appropriate title for this story in my life.
What advice would you give someone who is considering building their family through surrogacy?
Surrogacy is a valid and great option for anyone that wants to build their family. Making a decision to use a surrogate can be very hard so take all the time you need to come to that decision. I understand that it can be very unnerving to trust a person outside your marriage/relationship to carry your baby. Once again, take your time to choose your surrogate. When you do choose a surrogate, remember that you are choosing her and her family so make sure you are comfortable with everyone in the surrogate’s immediate family.
Surrogacy can be a financial challenge. If possible, save up money upfront so you don’t have to deal with that stress. You will be dealing with unexpected situations during the pregnancy. Just know that you have to expect the unexpected here.
Make sure you have a great legal team. Surrogacy laws vary from state to state so try to understand the implications.
Finally, know that it will be all worth it as at the end you get to have the baby/babies you have always desired.
Heartland Surrogacy thanks Bob and Isabelle for sharing their incredible Surrogacy Story with us! To read more of their story, visit Isabelle’s blog, In Quest of a Binky Moongee.
